January 21st, 2010 by Santosh
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The English Language
Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?
Let’s face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
» Read more: English is a funny language
January 12th, 2010 by Administrator
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A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together.
One of them said to the other three, “People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems.”
The others agreed. Then one said, “Since we are all professionals, why don’t we take some time right now to hear each other out?”
The other three agreed.
» Read more: The Doctor’s Confessions
January 12th, 2010 by Administrator
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A man walked into a therapist’s office looking very depressed. “Doc, you’ve got to help me. I can’t go on like this.”
“What is the problem?” the doctor inquired.
“Well, I am 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away.”
The doctor replied, “My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you’ll have women buzzing all around you.”
» Read more: No Luck With The Ladies
December 10th, 2009 by Santosh
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Dear God,
Yesterday was an awful day for me..
My husband ran off with his secretary.
My son pierced his eyebrow.
My daughter tattooed the bald spot on her head.
My dog mated with the neighbor’s cat.
My neighbor sold her house to a mental institution.
My Mom told me I was adopted.
My boss told me I was laid off.
My sister was arrested for prostitution.
My house has termites.
My car was stolen.
All that came in the mail was bills.
A plane crash landed on my garage.
OJ Simpson came to my door selling rug cleaner.
And my TV blew.
Lord, please be with me today.
I was able to live through all that misery yesterday.
And I will be able to make it through anything today!
But please….
DON’T LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO MY COMPUTER!
December 10th, 2009 by Santosh
1 comment »
Unix
You shoot yourself in the foot.
DOS
You keep running up against the one-bullet barrier.
MS-Windows
The gun blows up in your hand.
Windows NT
The gun is so huge and unwieldy that you have to keep swapping it from one hand to the other.
» Read more: Modern Operating Systems
November 24th, 2009 by Santosh
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A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, “You look terrible. What’s the problem?”
“My mother died in August,” he said, “and left me $25,000.”
“Gee, that’s tough,” he replied.
“Then in September,” the friend continued, “My father died, leaving me $90,000.”
“Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you’re depressed.”
» Read more: Absolutely Nothing?
November 23rd, 2009 by Santosh
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For those who love the philosophy of ambiguity, as well as the idiosyncrasies of English:
- Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
- One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
- The main reason that Santa Claus is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. » Read more: The Philosophy of Ambiguity
October 1st, 2009 by Santosh
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Here are the Top 5 things that you probably didn’t know about Google.
- Google was originally called BackRub
Like many other booming internet companies, Google has an interesting upbringing, one that is marked by a lowly beginning. Google began as a research project in January 1996 by cofounder Larry Page, a 24-year-old Ph.D. student at Standford University. Page was soon joined by 23-year-old Sergey Brin, another Ph.D. student, forming a duo that seemed destined for failure.
According to Google’s own corporate information, Brin and Page argued about every single topic they discussed. This incessant arguing, however, may have been what spurred the duo to rethink web-searching and develop a novel strategy that ranked websites according to the number of backlinks (i.e., according to the number of web pages that linked back to a web page being searched), and not based on the number of times a specific search term appeared on a given web page, as was the norm. » Read more: Top 5 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Google
September 30th, 2009 by Santosh
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A child's play
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper.
The child says, “Hello.”
“Is your daddy home?” he asked.
“Yes,” whispered the small voice.
Boss: “May I talk with him?”
The child whispered, “No.”
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”
Child: “Yes.”
Boss: “May I talk with her?”
» Read more: A Child’s Play
September 5th, 2009 by Santosh
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Jessica Cox also has her own website,
http://www.rightfooted.com/, and is a motivational speaker, also drives a car, has a black belt at taekwondo, uses a computer and otherwise lives a normal life. She is so adept at using her feet, she is even able to insert her contact lenses and apply makeup using only her feet. In her role as a motivational speaker, Jessica has inspired audiences across the United States.
God bless her.
