Mind It!

Grandpa and Grandma always got very excited when they recalled the old days they were together. They made a decision, one day to make it “yesterday once more“.

They made a date on the riverbank they used to go when they were young. The next day, Grandpa got up 6 a.m. in the morning, dashed to the bank, picked up a big bunch of wild flowers before sunrise, waited there for his sweetheart to come.

But grandpa ended in disappointment grandma never showed up even after sunset.

Grandpa went home in such anger. He opened the door, seeing grandma lying on the sofa with her pillow. He threw the flowers on the floor and questioned: “Why didn’t you come to our date?”

Grandma hid her head in the pillow and replied shyly: “Mom didn’t allow me to go…”

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”

She said,”Somewhere I have never been!”

I told her, “How about the kitchen?”

1 – Live to relax!

2 – Love your bed, it is your temple!

3 – Relax in the day, so that you can sleep at night!

4 – Work is holy, so don’t attack it!

5 – Don’t do something tomorrow, that you can do the day afterwards!

6 – Work as little as possible. Let the others do what needs to be done!

7 – Don’t worry, nobody died from doing nothing, but you could get hurt at work!

8 – If you feel like doing work, sit down and wait until that feeling goes away!

9 – Don’t forget: working is healthy! So leave it for the sick people!

1. Rule 1. – The Boss is always right.

2. Rule 2. – If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1.

3. Those who work get more work. Others get pay, perks, and promotions.

4. Ph.D. stands for “Pull Him Down”. The more intelligent a person, the more hardworking a person, the more committed a person; the more number of persons are engaged in pulling that person down.

5. If you are good, you will get all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

6. When the Bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

7. It doesn’t matter what you do, it only matters what you say you’ve done and what you are going to do.

8. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

9. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

10. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

11. If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

12. When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

13. Following the rules will not get the job done.

14. If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.

15. Everything can be filed under “Miscellaneous”.

16. No matter how much you do, you never do enough.

17. You can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work you are supposed to be doing.

18. In order to get a promotion, you need not necessarily know your job.

19. In order to get a promotion, you only need to pretend that you know your job.

20. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong

Can you guess which of the following are true and which are false?

• Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
• Alfred Hitchcock didn’t have a belly button. (I don’t see how this could be true.)
• A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 years.
• People do not get sick from cold weather; it’s from being indoors a lot more.
• When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your heart!
• Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.
• Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.
• Babies are born without kneecaps. They don’t appear until they are 2-6 years old.
• The average person over 50 will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.
• The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
• The average housefly lives for one month.
• 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
• A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
• The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
• Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time of day.
• Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.
• The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.
• The only two animals that can see behind themselves without turning their heads are the rabbit and the parrot.
• John Travolta turned down the starring roles in “An Officer and a Gentleman” and “Tootsie.”
• Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State anthem.
• In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.
• Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane, just in case there is a crash.
• The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor.
• Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth. They are used in vein transplant surgery.
• Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins.
• If coloring weren’t added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.
• If someone sends you a email saying you can make lots of money for nothing, then don’t expect to see any.

See answers below:

They are all true….Now go back and think about #16