Mind It!

One day, I saw two little girls crying a lot on a bench in the park.

Thinking they might be hurt, I went over and asked them. “Are you all right?“

Still crying, one girl showed me her doll and said, “My baby’s arm came off.“

I took the doll from the girl and soon fixed her arm. “Thank you.” came a whisper.

Next, I asked her friend, “And what’s the matter with you, young lady?”

She wiped her cheeks and said, “I was helping her cry.”

A father who was trying to read a magazine was being bothered by his little daughter, Jane. So, he took a sheet out of his magazine, where the map of the world was printed.

He tore it into small pieces, gave it to Jane, and said, “Go into the other room and try to put this together.“

In a few minutes, Jane came back and gave him the map correctly fixed together. The father was very surprised and asked how she had finished so fast.

“Oh“, she said, “on the other side of the paper is a picture of Jesus. When I got Jesus in His place, then the world came out all right.“

A little boy went up to his mother one day while holding his stomach and said, “Mum, my stomach hurts.“

His mother replied, “That’s because it’s empty, you have to put something into it!“

Later that day when the Priest was over for dinner, the Priest began to feel sick. Holding his head he said, “I have a very bad headache!”

The little boy looked up at him giving him the sweetest smile that any little child could give.

Then he said, “That’s because it’s empty, you have to put something into it!“

On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing.

He approached the young man and calmly said to him, “How much do you earn?”

The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, “I earn $ 2 000.00 a month, Sir. Why?”

Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed $6000.00 in cash.

And gave it to the young man and said, “Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty! Here is 3 months’ salary, now GET OUT and don’t come back“.

The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.

Noticing a Few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, “And that applies for everybody in this company“.

He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, “Who’s the young man that I just fired?”

To which an amazing reply came ,
“He was the pizza delivery man, Sir…!!!“

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Jasmeet became increasingly furious with her husband Santa, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.

As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr.Santa, and said, “That will teach you to pinch!“

Bewildered, Mr.Santa was halfway to the parking lot with Jasmeet when he choked,  “I… I… didn’t pinch that girl.“

“Of course you didn’t,” said Jasmeet, consolingly. “I did.“

Santa Singh and Jasmeet Kaur go on honeymoon to the Watergate Hotel.

Jasmeet is concerned and asked, “What if the place is bugged?”

Santa says “Hmm… Good point. I’ll look for a bug.”

He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug . . . “AHA!” he shouts!

Sure enough, under the rug was a small disc shaped plate, with four screws. He gets his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, throws them and the plate out the window.  The next morning, the hotel manager asks the Singhs “How was your room?….How was the service?…How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?”

Curious, Santa says, “And why, sir, are you asking me all of these questions?”

The hotel manager says “Well, the room UNDER yours complained of the chandelier falling on them!”

Santa     :  “Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company.”

Operator  :  “Would you spell that, please?”

Santa     :  “Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you.”

Operator  :  “Just a minute, sir. I’ll connect you with my supervisor.”

One day our Santa went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.

Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid – the parrot was his at last! As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, “I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can’t talk!”

“Don’t worry,” said the auctioneer, “He can talk..Who do you think kept bidding against you?“

Santa returns from his trip to Africa and is feeling very ill. 
He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of tests.

Santa wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone at his bedside rings.”This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely deadly virus, which is very contagious.“

“Oh my gosh,” cried Santa,  “What are you going to do, doctor?“

“Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.“

“Will that cure me?” asked Santa.

The doctor replied, “Well no, but…it’s the only food we can get under the door.“

Santa and Bunta were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Santa suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Bunta promptly jumped in to save him. He swam to the bottom and pulled Santa out. When the director of Nursing became aware of Bunta’s heroic act, he considered him to be mentally stable.

He went to tell Bunta the news,

“Bunta, I have good news and bad news.

The good news is you’re being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient,I have concluded that your act displays a sound mind.

The bad news is that Santa, the patient you saved, hung himself in his bathroom with the belt to his robe right after you saved him. I am sorry, but he’s dead.“

Bunta replied, “He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?“