Mind It!

There were three gals who were getting married and all met at the marriage Counselor’s office to discuss the options of having or not having a baby right away. There were two city gals and one farm gal.

The counselor asked them if they planned on having a baby right away or were going to wait awhile. They all agreed that they had discussed this with their potential husbands and all agreed to wait awhile.

Well, the counselor asked the first gal what type of birth control she planned to use. Her answer was, “the rhythm method.” “That will work,” said the counselor, “if you keep a good record”
He asked the second gal what system she planned on using. “I plan on using birth control pills,” she said. Again he said, “Yes that will work as long as you don’t forget to take them.”

He then asked the farm girl what system she was planning on using. Her answer was, “The pail and saucer method.” After a short delay, he told her that should also work.

He asked them all to come back in one year on a specific date for a follow up on how things were going. They all met again one year later and the two city gals were pregnant. Only the farm gal was slim and trim yet.

(more…)

“Darling,” a husband whispered to his wife late one night, “if I died, would you get married again?”

“I suppose so,” she replied.

“Would you sleep in the same bed with him?”

“Well, it’s the only bed in the house, so I have no choice.”

“Would you make love to him?”

“Honey,” the woman said patiently, “he would be my husband.”

“Would you give him my car?”

“No,” she yawned, “He can’t drive a stick shift.”

The Questions :

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.
2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?
4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn’t been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?
6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ” dw” and they are all common words. Name two of them.
7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?
8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.
9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter “S.”

And Their Answers : (more…)

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 years old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
8. The patient refused autopsy.
9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10. . Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
11. . Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. . Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. . She is numb from her toes down.
14. . While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. . The skin was moist and dry.
16. . Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. . Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. . Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. . She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
20. . I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
21. . The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
22. . The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
23. . Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. . The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. . Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
26. . Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her introduction, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.

She said, “Let’s start with the boys first”. Boys start giving their intro…

First boy: “My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the Bathtub”.

Teacher was confused to listen but said, “Interesting. Well, Ok. In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So it’s ok John. Yes next”.

Second boy: “Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.”

Teacher now got surprised and said, “Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next”.

Third boy: “I’m Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub”.

Teacher: “Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next”.

(more…)