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George Bush Visits A School

George Bush

George Bush

George Bush visits a School

George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech. After his talk he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him, “What is your name?”

The boy replies, “Bob”.

George Bush asks, “And what is your question, Bob?”

“I have 3 questions. First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes? And third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?”

(more…)

Women!!!

# Women especially love a bargain. The question of ‘need’ is irrelevant, so don’t bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.

# Women never have anything to wear. Don’t question the racks of clothes in the closet; you ‘just don’t understand’.

# Women need to cry. And they won’t do it alone unless they know you can hear them.

# Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

# Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

# Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That’s why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.

# Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there’s a spider or a wasp involved.

# Women can’t keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don’t view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.

# Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.

# Women can’t refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she’s doing. It might be the lottery calling.

# Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn’t need toys if women had an ‘on/off’ switch.

# Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.

Bad Ad

The following is an ad from a real-life newspaper which appeared four days in a row – the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day’s mistake.

MONDAY: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.

TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred In R.D. Jones’ ad yesterday. It should have read “One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M.”

WEDNESDAY Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: “For sale R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him.”

THURSDAY Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don’t call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper but she quit!

Two Men And A Fish

Two Men and Two Fish, actually.

Two men were in a restaurant and ordered fish.

The waiter brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the other.

One of the men said to the other, “Please help yourself.”

The other one said “Okay”, and helped himself to the larger fish.

After a tense silence, the first one said, “Really, now, if you had offered me the first choice, I would have taken the smaller fish!”

The other one replied, “What are you complaining for; you have it, don’t you?”

Nine

A man is meeting a friend at a bar. When entering the bar he noticed two women sitting at the bar and one looked his way and said “nine” to her friend.

Thinking positive, the man thought that she just rated him (Nine Out Of Ten). The man walked over to his friend and said “Man, see those women over there, one just rated me a nine out of ten?”

His buddy replied “Man, I am sorry to say this but when I came in they were speaking German!”

If you don’t know German nine means no